What, was &quot;Rudy&quot; on cable last night?

No, but Hardison was laughing at her joke. And thought her size was just perfect anyway. Who needed to know what it was when the answer was 'awesome'?

"Well, gimme a sec an' I can tell you my new waist an' inseam measurements," Hardison said, looking for that tape measure. "That should let you buy me some pants."

Ha. Ahahaha. Oh you silly thing.

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To be fair, Eliot already knew what Parker's bra size was. He'd had plenty of time now to study her breasts.

"You know your hips and waist are two different sizes now, right?" Eliot pointed out. "You might be better off goin' with a skirt."

Skirts were easier to fit. He definitely wasn't just hoping to see Hardison in a skirt, this weekend.

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Parker was grinning a them both now. "I can get you both."

Or possibly leather mini-skirts, let's see you guys try to negotiate that, since you never had to be the bait in one of those outfits. HA.

"But I'll just get your flip-flops for shoes until you can get into the store, even guessing a size won't help there, so."

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"...Why is she wearing her evil grin?" Hardison asked Eliot in an undertone. A high-pitched undertone. "Eliot, she's wearing her evil grin. Make her stop."

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"Parker," Eliot said suspiciously. "We agreed on normal clothes."

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Parker was getting dressed now, and she placed an absent-minded kiss on Eliot's cheek and then a softer one on Hardison's mouth.

"I will get you normal clothes! For girls. I swear. Normal girl clothes."

...eheahahheheheehahahah....

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"You know, I just remembered these are my favorite pants," Hardison said, hitching them up yet again. "I'm sure I'll be okay this wee--whoa!"

He'd tried to take a step forward and managed to get tangled in the foot's worth of extra length his pants had on him now. Did you know, it was very difficult to catch your balance when your center of gravity was in a different place than it used to be?

"...Ow."

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"Alright, tiny," Eliot said, offering him a hand up. "You can borrow one of my shirts while Parker goes shopping."

Hardison's own shirts would cover more. But they'd have less of the "she's wearing my shirt like a dress" sex appeal for Eliot, specifically.

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Snickering, Parker headed for the door. Then she turned around and said, "If you make out, you need to take pictures! Or just wait 'til I get back, okay?"

She'd be back in a bit. With clothes and ice cream and booze and chocolate. And flip-flops.

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The booze would be so appreciated. So, so appreciated. The chocolate, too, but mostly the booze.

Hardison accepted Eliot's hand, giving them both a giant grin. That also had not changed, happily. "Our girl has the best ideas. You know that, right?"

Making out, taking pictures, involving Parker...seriously. Not one of those was a bad plan.

"I love bein' with a mastermind."

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"Mmm," Eliot said. "I'm withholdin' final judgement till I see what she qualifies as 'normal clothes'."

The rest of it was an excellent idea, though.

He reached over to pull Hardison in and kiss him on the top of his head -- the better to lord his tallness over him -- and smiled. "You have hair to play with, now."

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"Don't think I don't know why you're doin' that," Hardison declared, smiling at the kiss anyway. "An' why you're all about me borrowin' a shirt of yours." Which was why he was going to pick Eliot's favorite shirt out of his closet to prance around in, see if he didn't.

"An', yeah, I guess I do." He tugged one of the curls out as long as it would go and examined it. "Time to see how much I remember about dealin' with natural hair from growin' up." Nana had always had a houseful of kids and had expected them to all help take care of the younger ones. "You like it?" he asked, peeping up at Eliot.

That was going to take some adjusting to.

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"Damn right I do, darlin'," Eliot said, sproinging one of the curls in the back. "I only get a coupla days to enjoy this particular brand of hotness on you." He leaned back, looking Hardison over again. "I, uh. Could probably help. With the natural hair stuff." He shrugged a little sheepishly. "I been -- lookin' it up."

You know, since he found out he might at some point have a kinky-haired daughter.

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"You have?" Hardison was startled, yes, but that lasted only moments before it turned into a smile, one he tried to bite back so Eliot wouldn't see how much that honestly touched him. "That's...cool. Yeah. That's really cool."

Great. Because he apparently hadn't been in love with his partners enough before.

Leaning over, he cupped Eliot's cheek with a soft hand. It was so small! "Almost makes up for all those short jokes I know you're savorin'. Better get 'em out while you still can."

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"I'm plannin' on throwing you over my shoulder and carryin' you around before this weekend's over," Eliot said. "I figure it's karmic revenge."

Because 5'9" WASN'T THAT SHORT, dammit.

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Only a half inch shorter than average!

"I ain't never thrown you over my shoulder," Hardison protested. "...I princess-carry you instead."

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"Fine," Eliot said. "I'll do that. You're so small I won't even throw out my back."

Trip and potentially kill them both because he didn't have a complete handle on his new center of balance, sure. But his back would be fine.

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That would certainly be a comfort to both of them as they lay dying. Hardison wouldn't go to meet his maker bitching about Eliot's back being fine at all!

"I wanna say I ain't that short, but that ain't even true. I am tiny. I'mma demand piggyback rides like I'm Parker an' make you open all the tall cupboards an' everything." Hardison rather thought he might enjoy being tiny for a weekend. So long as he could go back to being the tallest after it was all over.

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"Sure thing, Shorty." What? Eliot only had so much time to enjoy this in.

His stomach grumbled and Val yipped from downstairs. Some people were spending far too much time talking and not enough feeding their puppy, dammit!

"C'mon." Eliot grabbed the first shirt to hand -- which happened to be Hardison's -- and pulled it on. "I'll make us breakfast while we wait for Parker." The shirt gaped over his breasts. Eliot pretended not to notice.

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Hardison was noticing. Hardison was definitely noticing that. "You gonna carry me or what?" he asked. He wouldn't mind getting princess-carried all snugly against Eliot's chest.

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In a little while, Parker showed up, arms laden down with bags. "I have so much stuff, and it's not all to wear. But I did get you belts."

And mini-skirts. Some hair stuff. And so much booze. (Did Hardison's alcohol tolerance shrink with his body?)

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"Oh thank god," Eliot said. The boobs had been all nice and fun when he was princess-carrying Hardison (after the stairs, thank you), but the jiggling was even throwing off his cooking, somehow. "Please tell me you got me a sports bra."

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It almost certainly did. They'd be dealing with a Hardison drunk on mimosas and wasn't that a hilarious possibility.

"Woman!" Hardison called, having pounced on the bags and discovered the miniskirts. "Just what is this?" He held one up for Eliot to see, too.

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Parker gave him her most innocent, completely oblivious face. "Something for Eliot?"

It might fit! They couldn't know until he tried it on!

"I got you a sports-bra that can sling-shot melons to the moon," Parker said, snickering. "Also, a hair tie. Or ten. And maybe a couple clips."

She made one of the clips making chewing motions at Eliot, nom nom nom.

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