"Pbbbbbtttt." Really. Hardison could get so worked up about things. It was awesome. "I'm not going with them. Even if they give me some of those fun pills again. We need to do class next week and a new job soon."
"Yeah, she doesn't get all that more believable when she's inviting you to lunch," Eliot said. He still hadn't taken her up on that. There was only so much staring in bafflement while a pony-thing babbled at you that a man could take. "Y'should come by sometime and meet her. If you can make it up the stairs."
"Man, I can make it up some stairs!" Hardison said, insulted. "If I can climb up a million story building with Parker talking about how much fun it would be to dive off, I can handle some stairs."
...He would think differently if he ever saw the stairs, however.
"And I'm so glad that y'all remembered that ya do have another job besides your little one-hour-a-week hobby. Now counting whatever it is you do with that restaurant. There's that whole protectin' the little guy, providing leverage thing we're supposed to be doing. 'Member that?"
Again, not that he was bitter or anything. "I mean, if you can find time between your Stair-Masters and pink ponies and computer holodecks and all."
Subtext, what was that? Parker didn't even have to ignore it, it was going swooping by over her head. Although she did get that Hardison was upset about something.
"Popcorn?" she offered. "C'mon, do the presentation. Then we can go have consolation sex. Even if I'm not sure why."
"D'ya have an actual job for us, or you just lonely 'cause Parker didn't rope you into teachin'?" Eliot asked. "Which, by the way, takes a hell of a lot more than an hour a week. 'Specially when you gotta learn a freakin' space age hologram-deck thing."
"First of all, I don't need no consolation sex. 'Hardison, I missed you' sex? Sure! 'Baby, you're so hot when you hack' sex? Absolutely! 'I just did that sexy laser dance thing and made e'ry dude's eyes fall outta their head' sex? Sign me up!"
He held his hand out to Eliot for their obligatory five, then let it drop when he remembered that he was mad at him, too.
"But consolation sex, like I'm some kinda dudebro who needs sex to be jollied out of a good mood. Parker, that hurts babe. That really hurts." Especially when he just realized he'd all but talked himself out of sex for the point of his pride.
Man, later on he was gonna log onto his server and aggro the shit outta some Alliance guilds to make up for it.
As for Eliot's comment, he wasn't even going to acknowledge it. Mostly because the answer was far too close to 'yes.'
"You gotta learn space age hologram-tech," he muttered, turning on the screens and pulling up information about Abstergo Industries. "I'd be fine. Do well enough those times y'all call me in a panic and expect me to walk y'all through it with nothin' more than a blurry picture from Parker and Eliot tellin' me that he's pretty sure it runs on some form of electricity."
Eliot missed the look. He was frowning at his hand, which had been denied a five. Hardison really was pissed.
"I'd invite you by, man, but you seem like you'd get a little put out by flyin' eels and things tryin' to kill you all the time," he said. "And I ain't kidding about the stairs."
Actually, Eliot was pretty sure that Fandom could be good for Hardison. Toughen him up a little. Now that he could be reasonably certain there were enough fighters around to make sure the hacker didn't get eaten by flying eels, even if Eliot couldn't.
"Flying eels? Fly-- fly-- flyin' eels?" He was so offended he was stuttering. "You are questioning my ability handle flying eels? I have been buried alive, thrown off buildings, shot at, nearly blown up more times than I can count, and you think I'm might get my girdle in a twist because of some extra-fresh unagi? Man, get outta my face."
"I could make you some," Eliot said. "It's not extra fresh any more, but Hannibal packaged the meat up real good." As far as peace offerings went, it was a little half-assed. But yes, Eliot was really pretty sure Hardison would get his "girdle in a twist" over flying, shrieking, attacking eels wearing reverse scuba gear.
Hell yeah, he would. But he'd be with his family, so
"Hey, hey now-!" Hardison protested. "One of us has to live here, remember? And that means cleaning up after y'all's little popcorn battles when you're done."
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(no subject)
Date: 2015-01-29 09:15 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2015-01-29 09:21 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2015-01-29 09:51 pm (UTC)...He would think differently if he ever saw the stairs, however.
"And I'm so glad that y'all remembered that ya do have another job besides your little one-hour-a-week hobby. Now counting whatever it is you do with that restaurant. There's that whole protectin' the little guy, providing leverage thing we're supposed to be doing. 'Member that?"
Again, not that he was bitter or anything. "I mean, if you can find time between your Stair-Masters and pink ponies and computer holodecks and all."
(no subject)
Date: 2015-01-29 09:54 pm (UTC)"Popcorn?" she offered. "C'mon, do the presentation. Then we can go have consolation sex. Even if I'm not sure why."
(no subject)
Date: 2015-01-29 10:05 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2015-01-30 03:50 am (UTC)He held his hand out to Eliot for their obligatory five, then let it drop when he remembered that he was mad at him, too.
"But consolation sex, like I'm some kinda dudebro who needs sex to be jollied out of a good mood. Parker, that hurts babe. That really hurts." Especially when he just realized he'd all but talked himself out of sex for the point of his pride.
Man, later on he was gonna log onto his server and aggro the shit outta some Alliance guilds to make up for it.
As for Eliot's comment, he wasn't even going to acknowledge it. Mostly because the answer was far too close to 'yes.'
"You gotta learn space age hologram-tech," he muttered, turning on the screens and pulling up information about Abstergo Industries. "I'd be fine. Do well enough those times y'all call me in a panic and expect me to walk y'all through it with nothin' more than a blurry picture from Parker and Eliot tellin' me that he's pretty sure it runs on some form of electricity."
Not. That he. Was bitter.
(no subject)
Date: 2015-01-30 04:01 am (UTC)"I can't bring the holodeck here to you," she said. "You have to come to it."
And if he came to it, and the Island, OTHER THINGS could maybe progress? Right? Maybe?
"And you are not a dudebro. Ever."
(no subject)
Date: 2015-01-30 04:07 am (UTC)"I'd invite you by, man, but you seem like you'd get a little put out by flyin' eels and things tryin' to kill you all the time," he said. "And I ain't kidding about the stairs."
Actually, Eliot was pretty sure that Fandom could be good for Hardison. Toughen him up a little. Now that he could be reasonably certain there were enough fighters around to make sure the hacker didn't get eaten by flying eels, even if Eliot couldn't.
(no subject)
Date: 2015-01-30 05:22 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2015-01-30 05:25 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2015-01-30 05:28 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2015-01-30 05:29 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2015-01-30 05:55 am (UTC)"Hey, hey now-!" Hardison protested. "One of us has to live here, remember? And that means cleaning up after y'all's little popcorn battles when you're done."
(no subject)
Date: 2015-01-30 05:58 am (UTC)"Job," she said, then leaned over to nudge against him, eyes serious even though she was smiling. "Work. Leverage."
(no subject)
Date: 2015-01-30 06:13 am (UTC)He was nudging her back, though. Because, c'mon. It would take a better man than him to stay mad at Parker (or Eliot) for very long.
"Okay, so Abstergo Industries actually has ties all the way back to the Templars, back in the early days of Christianity..."
It was a good presentation, dammit. He worked hard on these.